No Matter What

Today was a tough day.  For some reason, the kids were both overly sensitive and emotional.  Anna, especially, whined a lot.  She had a couple of melt down moments and just needed a good cry.  After spending the entire day with a couple of fussers, I was tired.  Tonight while Anna was brushing her teeth, she had another emotional moment and I snapped at her.  She told me I hurt her feelings and I felt horrible.  The last thing I want to do is hurt my children and it crushes my heart to think that I have done that.  Now, sometimes she can say I hurt her feelings over not giving her a marshmallow, so I have to gauge the situation.  But, tonight I reacted in the wrong way.

As I was putting her to bed, I could not contain my emotions and I just cried right in front of her.  She was so sweet and consoling and she said, "Don't worry Mommy- I love you even when you're mean to me."  Wow.  Thank you, Lord, for teaching me grace through my 4 year old.  I told her the same thing- that I still love her no matter what she does.  Then, we started talking about how we need Jesus because we sin every day.  She asked me to give her some examples of sin, so we talked through that (I can tell she is probably going to be a rules follower and wants to know what is acceptable and what is "bad").  I told her that Jesus loves us no matter what we do, and that He throws our sins away.  She asked me, "Mommy, where is the trash can in heaven?  Oh, I know- it's by His bed where He sleeps."  How can I argue with that?  It was one of the sweetest conversations we have had.

I am so thankful God used a messy situation to teach me that He loves me no matter what.  It seems like that truth has popped up in my life a lot lately.  I know He is teaching me in His loving way.  You may be wondering if I am leaning a little too far in the "free grace" direction...not at all!  I am much more prone to lean towards the other side of "works", so I am glad He is emphasizing this truth in my life.  Anna knows there are rules and boundaries and that her life is not a free-for-all.  But, I also want her to understand that my love for her is not conditional, and that she is fully loved, even when she makes mistakes.  I am far from being perfect- as a mom or as a Christian woman.  But, thanks be to God I have a perfect Savior who loves me perfectly!