No Matter What

Today was a tough day.  For some reason, the kids were both overly sensitive and emotional.  Anna, especially, whined a lot.  She had a couple of melt down moments and just needed a good cry.  After spending the entire day with a couple of fussers, I was tired.  Tonight while Anna was brushing her teeth, she had another emotional moment and I snapped at her.  She told me I hurt her feelings and I felt horrible.  The last thing I want to do is hurt my children and it crushes my heart to think that I have done that.  Now, sometimes she can say I hurt her feelings over not giving her a marshmallow, so I have to gauge the situation.  But, tonight I reacted in the wrong way.

As I was putting her to bed, I could not contain my emotions and I just cried right in front of her.  She was so sweet and consoling and she said, "Don't worry Mommy- I love you even when you're mean to me."  Wow.  Thank you, Lord, for teaching me grace through my 4 year old.  I told her the same thing- that I still love her no matter what she does.  Then, we started talking about how we need Jesus because we sin every day.  She asked me to give her some examples of sin, so we talked through that (I can tell she is probably going to be a rules follower and wants to know what is acceptable and what is "bad").  I told her that Jesus loves us no matter what we do, and that He throws our sins away.  She asked me, "Mommy, where is the trash can in heaven?  Oh, I know- it's by His bed where He sleeps."  How can I argue with that?  It was one of the sweetest conversations we have had.

I am so thankful God used a messy situation to teach me that He loves me no matter what.  It seems like that truth has popped up in my life a lot lately.  I know He is teaching me in His loving way.  You may be wondering if I am leaning a little too far in the "free grace" direction...not at all!  I am much more prone to lean towards the other side of "works", so I am glad He is emphasizing this truth in my life.  Anna knows there are rules and boundaries and that her life is not a free-for-all.  But, I also want her to understand that my love for her is not conditional, and that she is fully loved, even when she makes mistakes.  I am far from being perfect- as a mom or as a Christian woman.  But, thanks be to God I have a perfect Savior who loves me perfectly!

Catalyst Notes

Last week, Kyle and I went to Catalyst Conference in Dallas.  Catalyst is a conference for pastors and other church/ministry leaders.  There were so many great speakers- Andy Stanley, Katie Davis, Mark Batterson, Matt Chandler, Bob Goff, etc.- and the worship was wonderful.  We loved this conference and felt like it encouraged and challenged us in many ways.  Since I shared my notes from the last conference I attended, I thought I'd share some from Catalyst as well.  It would take me a long time to type them all, so here are a few...actually, this is a lot, but I promise it's not even half!  I'll also attach some pictures- Kyle and I enjoyed taking some self portraits while we were waiting for the Gungor concert- we were close to the stage in the "red zone".

Mark Batterson:
"When you pray regularly, you can be sure that irregular things can happen on a regular basis"
"We want God to do something new, but we want to keep doing the same old thing."
"God opposes the proud- He can be opposing you as you're doing His will."
"There will be moments where you'll have to risk your reputation to establish God's reputation."
"Don't seek opportunities.  Seek God."

Lysa TerKeurst:
Your reaction determines you reach.
Feelings make good indicators but not dictators.
2 Chronicles 20: 12, 15- we are powerless, the battle is God's
Praise and thanksgiving changes everything: we don't praise for the tough circumstance but we praise in the circumstance
Our attitude should not be "I have to..." but "I am able to..."
In conflict, am I trying to prove I am right or improve the situation?  I need to acknowledge my need of grace, give them grace, and then ask them to give me grace.

Reggie Joiner:
Are you willing to be present in someone's life who is different than you?
Maybe the best way to love God is to love who God loves.
The more different someone is from you, the more potential you have to show God's love.
What your neighbor needs to know:
1.God's love is bigger than your religion. (The world doesn't believe we love them because they don't think we like them and we don't love each other.)
2.You will be present as a friend even if they never believe what you believe.
3.Even your own faith is not at 100%.  (There are always questions.)  Then he said that we need to allow our children to process their own doubt so they can own their own faith.  He said it's not the amount of faith you have but where you put it.
4.You are not trying to change them.  (The Bible does not say "change your neighbor".)
5.The Bible is not just a good book.
Am I getting involved with people who are different???

Jud Wilhite:
"God is not calling you to a spectacular ministry but to a faithful and sincere heart."
1.Do a gut check.  Look at your ambition and why you are doing what you are doing in ministry.
2.Stay a little crazy for God.  Take risks that make you depend on Him.  Your "crazy" is not going to be everyone else's "crazy".
3.Be compelled by Christ's love.  It will ground you in all the trials and difficulties.

Summer is Here!

Now that we have been to the pool, it feels like summer has arrived!  Caleb was sporting it in a pink boat and Anna was enjoying her floatie.  Last summer, she would not wear that in places she couldn't touch and today she was swimming all around with it!  She still has a fear of getting water in her eyes, but we will take baby steps.  Looking forward to a summer full of pool fun! :)

3 Little Birdies

Anna's preschool has an end-of-the-year program where every class performs a couple of songs.  They have been practicing for weeks, and sent the lyrics home with the students so that parents can also help.  Every time I ask Anna to sing it for me, she tries to squirm her way out of it.  Every now and then I will hear her singing it to herself, and it is so cute.

I told her teacher that we will be out of town on her last week of school and she will not be there for the program.  She told me that she would miss Anna because she has a great voice and really helped set the pace for the song.  I loved hearing that since she is so shy about singing it in front of me.

Tonight, she finally sang it for me right before bed.  I am so glad that I got to capture it on video since we will not be able to go to the program. 

Lost Pictures of Anna

Over 3 years ago, a sweet college student named Allie took some pictures of Anna in the Arboretum on-campus.  I love any opportunity to get great pictures of my kids, so when she offered to take some, I was thrilled.  Shortly after the photo session, she graduated and moved away....far away...to Afghanistan...for 2 years. 

She tried to get the pictures to me at one point before she left, but it didn't work out.  I was so sad that I didn't get to see them before she left.  She came back about a year ago and it just didn't seem right for me to ask her about my pictures from years ago when she had just been through an unforgettable, life-changing experience. 

Last weekend, she came to Nac and contacted me so that we could catch up.  In the facebook message, it showed our previous conversation which mentioned those pictures.  I was so excited when she came over and brought me a CD!  I immediately popped it in the computer to see the pictures from 3 years ago that I have never seen.  Anna was a busy new walker and almost 1.5.  They are so special to me, and I'd love to share some of my favorites.